Sometimes being a parent means you and your spouse drive 45 minutes to a sub joint you don’t have in your town and just hope the kids fall asleep on the way. And when you pull into the parking lot, one adult goes in to order while the other sits with the snoozing children.
When the runner comes back with the freshly made subs, the new game is How Quietly Can You Open This Noisy-Ass Paper. One parent keeps an eye on the children resting children as you both slowly sneak the wrappers off those heavenly sandwiches.
Pause! The kid is moving! Don’t make eye contact, don’t touch the paper again to make the annoying crinkle sound. Don’t. Even. Breathe.
Okay. The eyes are closed and they are sleeping again. You can now continue your nail-biting experience of getting your damn sandwich out. Once the paper is off, you’re in the clear.
Mind you, we feed our children, they just wouldn’t eat here. But they sure as hell would steal half of our sandwiches.