Cheer Up

Today I am not mentally sound.

I did not want to go to storytime this morning, but my kids did, so we did.

Then we went to free lunch.

My husband is off so he went golfing and I figured he wouldn’t want to join us.

I was wrong.

I am so angry today. I’m exhausted. I feel as though I cannot do anything right.

The kids aren’t listening. My husband is upset with me.

Can I just leave for a little bit? I don’t want anything right now.

Except to cheer the fuck up.

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Type 9 : The Peacemaker

Peacemakers are receptive, good-natured, and supportive. They seek union with others and the world around them.

How to Get Along with Me

  • If you want me to do something, how you ask is important. I especially don’t like expectations or pressure.
  • I like to listen and to be of service, but don’t take advatage of this.
  • Listen until I finish speaking, even though I meander a bit.
  • Give me time to finish things and make decisions. It’s OK to nudge me gently and nonjudgmentally.
  • Ask me questions to help me get clear.
  • Tell me when you like how I look. I’m not averse to flattery.
  • Hug me, show physical affection. It opens me up to my feelings.
  • I like a good discussion but not a confrontation.
  • Let me know you like what I’ve done or said.
  • Laugh with me and share in my enjoyment of life.

What I Like About Being a Nine

  • Being nonjudgmental and accepting.
  • Caring for and being concerned about others.
  • Being able to relax and have a good time.
  • Knowing that most people enjoy my company; I’m easy to be around.
  • My ability to see many different sides of an issue and to be a good mediator and facilitator.
  • My heightened awareness of sensations, aesthetics, and the here and now.
  • Being able to go with the flow and feel one with the universe.

What’s Hard About Being a Nine

  • Being judged and misunderstood for being placid and/or indecisive.
  • Being critical of myself for lacking initiative and discipline.
  • Being too sensitive to criticism; taking every raised eyebrow and twitch of the mouth personally.
  • Being confused about what I really want.
  • Caring too much about what others will think of me.
  • Not being listened to or taken seriously.

 

This is my enneagram type. Please feel free to take yours and share it with me! This is all so true and enjoyable to learn about.

https://enneagramtest.net/

Social Cliques

Do people out grow the cliques they were in when they were in school?

I have been making plans with one of my old classmates, one I have never talked to in person and only a couple times online. She is obviously my age, and she also has kids the same age as my kids.

This should be great!

My mind, though. My mind is telling me not to. She was in a different social class than I in school. In my mind, she was, and still is, better than I am.

Everything in me is telling me not to even attempt it. That we will have nothing in common. That she will hate every thing about me and my children.

But, I also know that it is my anxiety talking and that I need to give some sort of friendship a chance. Right?

SAHM – The Loneliest Profession

I’m a stay-at-home-mom. I have been for 2 years, I think. This post is most definitely not bashing it, because I love it and I would never wish it to be any other way. But it is, by far, one of the hardest “jobs.”

I’m suppose to take care of the kids. D is almost 4, A is almost 3. They. Are. Terrors. And they feed from each others’ bad behaviors. I can usually tell by 8 am how the day is going to go. The past 5 days, they have been pretty rough days.

So, I get to keep to young, high-paced kids entertained all day. Awesome! Why complain about it?

There is only so much to do in the house. The house gets extremely boring. This means we must brave the world. Problem? I have some major anxiety while out and about. Some days are worse than others.

I have made the public library a safe space for myself. I am close-ish with most workers there, so that is another plus. The problem now? It is summer. The library is packed to the brim with people. That is not comfortable for me.

I’m also expected to keep my house clean. I don’t. I can’t. I don’t feel like a have the mental space for it? I can’t find motivation for it either.

So stuck at home with two littles in a messy house. Ok.

I can’t invite people over, my house is a wreck. I don’t like meeting new people. I don’t like being in large groups of people.

By the time my husband gets home, I am touched out and haven’t talked to an adult at all, if I have it was my friend or my mom through messages.

It’s just a really odd problem to have, I suppose. It just gets lonely.

Another Day, Another Test

I kept my second pregnancy test for this morning. Mind you, I tested at 4 am because I was up with A and I really needed to pee.

Another day. Another test. Another negative.

Just like I had said, I figured it would be, but I’m still somewhat bummed out about it.

In my mind I could see where the line should be if I were pregnant. I’m not talking about a faint positive. There was clearly nothing there, but I just could imagine a line? It was kind of odd.

Negative

My friend bought me a pregnancy test today.

If you don’t know why I am testing, please read my previous post.

It came back negative. I fully expected it to. I have another test and I will test again in a couple days in the morning just to be sure. I still am sure it will be negative.

I’m not sad, per say. I’m rather indifferent, actually.

I had accepted the idea of it and started trying to figure out where everything would go, ect. I had even went to figuring out names. I’m a name person.

That’s all I guess I have to say about this right now.

Worries

After I had A, I got the Nexplanon. That was October 2016.

I am due to get it taken out in October 2018. 4 months.

I never really had any issues. I didn’t have side effects. It is placed perfectly in my arm and have had literally no complaints. Sporadic bleeding, usually after sex, would happen very rarely.

The past few months, I have been back to a fairly normal cycle (I have never been perfectly in sync) so I have had a small, nagging thought in the back of my head that “maybe it is ‘wearing off’.”

Fast forward.

This past week I have been telling my husband my boobs are sore. Not putting 2 and 5 together, just thought that maybe my bra or something was being weird.

I randomly decided to look at my period app and turns out it was “late,” but again, I figured the  implant was just doing what it was doing before, giving me no period.

Also, I have been wanting cream cheese, sour cream, or mayo. Constantly.

Today I had an idea that maybe this could be an issue. I started Googling it. Pregnancy on Nexplanon. I was lead to all sorts of forums where others have gotten pregnant while on Nexplanon. I mean, there were plenty of teens just questioning some really weird stuff too.

I looked at my application again. I had sex 4 weeks ago. Lord, help me.

Now I am sitting here, trying to tell myself it isn’t a thing. After reading everything. Plus, I don’t feel pregnant. So, I can’t be. There is a 1 in 100 chance of me being pregnant on the Nexplanon.

But on the other hand, I feel like I will be slightly disappointed if I test and it’s negative? Is that a thing?

Keep me in your thoughts, I guess.

If you have any good stories about things like this happening to you, please share them!